Dallas Family Guide

by Bethany Erickson

Entertaining a toddler who suddenly notices if you don’t, you know, do stuff with him is kind of a daunting task. I mean, it shouldn’t be – on paper it looks like a pretty easy matchup of adult expertise and experience versus tiny little human who can’t even make it to the restroom.

But paper is wrong. Let me back up though, and explain. If you just brought your adorable infant who mostly just sleeps home, you may not believe this, but at some point, these precious bundles will sprout working legs and rudimentary speech patterns, and will suddenly be very demanding. Gone will be the days where you could lay your tiny human on the floor under the moving ceiling fan and be able to count on the fact that the tiny in question will still be there, amazed at the fan, when you come back from your five minute shower (hey, don’t judge. They can’t roll off the floor, people).

But you will get warning signs that this day is approaching. For one, you will go to check on them in the middle of the night, and they will be asleep on their stomachs, but with their tiny legs tucked beneath them. Do not be fooled – your precious was indeed probably practicing a crawl. You will notice that they will, during tummy time, reach for things and then begin to do this little baby seal kick to get to it. Then she or he will learn to crawl, and then to pull up to a stand using furniture, your leg and the dog.

And at this point, when your child suddenly grins at you and lets go of whatever he was using to hold himself up, and then stands there all by himself, you will stay up late many nights pinning anything titled “Things to do with your toddler,” on Pinterest.

This is how it works. I swear.

And as we all get to know each other better here, I will share some of the things my 17-month-old son John and I do during the day to hopefully make sure that he’s not a paste eater in Pre-K. Today, for instance, I will address an outing we like to call, “a walk in the air conditioning because seriously it’s really very hot in Texas.”

Sometimes, your small human will begin giving hints that he is tired of being at home and seeing just your face. Sometimes this will come in the form of a demand and a demonstration, like “Go out!” accompanied with a baby palm to the face. Sometimes they just become exponentially more tantrumy.

Here in Dallas, when it’s hot out, you can start scouring the Dallas Public Library website for various activities. Once a month, the Dallas Museum of Art has a free day, too. The Galleria has a playground (more on that at a later date). But the last time cabin fever hit, we went to NorthPark.

Now, I know you probably think that you must come out of NorthPark with some giant bag of big spendy. I assure you, you don’t.  On our visit, we first stopped at the Dallas Public Library branch, Bookmarks, which is an awesome place to grab a seat and just spring your kiddo from the stroller for a while. John had a wonderful time playing with the cars and other toys, and looking at books. He made a friend or two, too.

After that, we stopped for a bite to eat, and then headed to Neiman Marcus where, on the second floor, you can take a gander at the children’s clothing and toys, and so can your kiddo. John tried out a pint-sized Range Rover, and then gave an impromptu piano performance on one of the baby baby grand pianos. Again, an opportunity to get out of the stroller for him, and a chance to let him play on a $155 Melissa and Doug piano that, if purchased and taken to our house, would cost an additional $155 in prescription migraine medicine.

And no trip to NorthPark would be complete without schlepping over to the duck pond, where you can see duckies and turtles, and small children becoming completely unglued at seeing duckies and turtles. Then you can sit and have a snack (toddlers eat a lot) and watch the slightly older kids run up and slide down the planters who have historically been voted some of the best planters for running up and sliding down.

Fun factor: A 7.  Once he gets older and more sure on his feet, I’m sure mall outings will be closer to a 10.

Spending: All told, we spent about $20 for our three hour outing, mostly on lunch and some Starbucks Mommy needed desperately.

The holidays are filled with so many wonderful things: family, friends, parties, religious endeavors, and, of course, gifts. All of these things can bring us joy (along with the requisite stress), but it is the gifts that often create the greatest source of concern, especially if you have to worry about what people around you are going to be purchasing for your daughter. Very often, people buy things that are meaningful to them, and not as meaningful to the receiver. Additionally, not everyone will respect your desire to promote your daughter’s empowerment.

Situations involving gifts do pose a unique challenge. People in your life may not have the level of awareness you do, nor will they share your concerns or have the same values about what will promote a positive sense of self and confidence in your daughter. In fact, many people you know may think you are making much ado about nothing. It is inevitable that your awareness will lead to a situation when what you want is not in line with what other people want. For example, your sister may think that the Monster High dolls are totally appropriate, cute and fun and the perfect gift for your 6-year-old. You, on the other hand, do not want this to be the message your daughter receives. How do you handle a situation such as this?

First and foremost, as her parent, you get to decide. You may accept the toy, and not allow her to use it. It may mean returning the gift. It also may mean talking with the gift-giver about why this is not an appropriate gift for your daughter. These conversations are not going to be fun, and, it is so important that you lead by example and advocate for your daughter’s needs.

In Princess Recovery, four important points are highlighted to help you manage these instances when they arrive (and, be prepared, because they will!).

Educate Gently: It is important to speak up and to be sure you are heard by the important people in your life. It is essential to do this in a way that you are hear and respected. Speak your mind clearly, and with appreciation. Always say thank you, followed by how you feel. For example, you could say, “Thank you so much for the gift. I know this is the hot toy right now. Although we appreciate the gesture, we prefer not to have this type of to in our house. I’d be happy to provide you with other options, or, you can keep the toy for your daughter, if you’d like!”

This might not be easy to say, especially if your initial reaction is more emotional. Take a breath, and a minute, and be open, honest and direct about what you think.

Be Specific: You are providing education to those around you, so it is important to be sure they really understand where you are coming from (without shoving it down their throats). You know what you mean when you say you would prefer “gender neutral” toys, but your mother-in-law might not. Explain what you mean, and why you are making this request. Discuss why this is important to you and the development of your daughter’s healthy self-esteem. Providing this kind of guidance will increase understanding, decrease conflict and confusion and promote positive interactions. And, you never know, you might encourage someone in your life to see things a different way!

Consider the Relationship: Focus on the relationship with the gift-giver over the gift. You may not agree with the gift, but know that taking a strong stance against it will potentially create damage with the person giving it to your daughter. Keep that in mind when you consider making a fuss. It may be easier to graciously accept the gift, and then have it “magically” disappear. This is also an opportunity to talk with your daughter about why the gift may be giving the wrong message or offer alternative toys that you do approve of. Doing either of these things will dull down the message and make the experience less damaging.

Advocate For Your Daughter: Gifts are a time for you to advocate for your daughter and teach her to advocate for herself. Have open dialogues about why a gift may be inappropriate, talking with her in an age-appropriate way. Be prepared for questions, and possibly, some tantruming. Be mindful not to make promises you will not be able to keep.

You can say something like: “Your dad and I don’t think this toy will teach you positive things. Let’s go find some other options that might.” The key here is to identify the values you want to instill in your daughter, and use these gift receiving opportunities to highlight them.

The holidays bring joy and happiness, and can also a time of great stress for many different reasons. Gift-giving, and receiving, should not be an added source of stress. If you are prepared, and ready for whatever might come your daughter’s way, you can keep the gifts you don’t approve of out of your home . . . and enjoy all of the fun, while maintaining the positive relationships, that you want to be part of the holiday.

By Jennifer L. Hartstein, PsyD, Author of Princess Recovery: A How-To Guide to Raising Strong, Empowered Girls Who Can Create Their Own Happily Ever Afters

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